Surrender surrender but don’t give yourself away
“Surrender, surrender, but don’t give yourself away.”
I was a freshman in high school when I first heard this line from a Cheap Trick song. I was going to meet a girl at a desert party, and the police shut it down. I saw some kids I went to school with and jumped into the backseat of a car. I can still remember being squished into the backseat of a ford Capri along with two large speakers traveling through a mountain pass and hearing this line for the first time.
That night was also the first time I did LSD. I was so stricken by this line, I went out the next day and bought the album, but it never repeated the acoustics of the small car and loud sound.
Within a few months of that night I was doing LSD on almost a daily basis. I was thrown out of school for constantly ditching classes. I had begun the process of escaping into my mind.
I had surrendered to my insecurities and embraced my fantasies. The drugs became my ticket and my excuse.
Over the next 20 years, I sold myself away repeatedly. And cheaply.
Even when I managed to get off the drugs, it was only as a result of surrendering my individuality.
Today this tells me to go with the flow, but never forget who I am. I’ve forgotten this many times.
Quote from the Cheap Trick song Surrender on the album Live at Budakon
Thank you for sharing this story. I can totally relate to escaping into everything else outside of myself to the point that I totally lost myself. I had no idea how to maintain myself and my boundries until I met friends of Bill W. My whole life changed because I had a design for living. I enjoy receiving your posts, you have inspired me to take more risks in my life.
Actually, acid helped me see the extent of my addiction. It melted my denial system. I chose to keep using drugs, and I had awareness they needed to go. Finally, I made the decision not to give myself away anymore. I am a happy person today because, even in love it grows me, rather taking away from me.
Thank you for sharing this story. I can totally relate to escaping into everything else outside of myself to the point that I totally lost myself. I had no idea how to maintain myself and my boundries until I met friends of Bill W. My whole life changed because I had a design for living. I enjoy receiving your posts, you have inspired me to take more risks in my life.